Thursday, October 26, 2059

It is almost hard to believe that the city of Florence, which protested so much in the 20th century against the exit to the Uffizi by archistar Isozaki, has chosen another Japanese archistar, Unakasa Abuki, to replace its monuments with holograms.

And yet, thanks to the city’s forward-thinking octegenarian mayor, the holomonuments were unveiled to the satisfaction of a virtual crowd last Tuesday. Visitors are reminded that 4-D glasses for the viewing of the new monuments are available at the Virtual Tourism Office (UTV) or through online application at www.Firenze2059.com.

The holomonuments in Florence follow similar initiatives taken in Berlin and London, but represent a particular challenge because, unlike in other European cities, in Florence the monuments replaced are within close walking distance of each other. The challenge, as Abuki recounts, was to offer a sufficiently diverse interpretation of the originals for the public to accept the removal of the actual buildings simply due to aesthetic gratitude.

We asked the few people left in the center of Florence to comment on the holomonuments. One lady, who declines to be named, did not in fact notice that the buildings were not there. “I don’t usually come into the centro, really. When necessary I take the tram in and keep my head down. Is there a building? Is there not a building? Who cares? Buildings are no longer necessary anyway”. This signora’s sentiment is echoed by many other residents of the Fiorenzaland/Arezzoland commuter ring, who agree that thanks to the perfection of online banking and other technologies, the function of buildings in a downtown area had been reduced to that of tourism.

With the holomonuments and the transport of the originals to the side of the AA1 highway, the center is finally free both of tourists and of residents, who are happy to stay on the ring road and observe the real monuments from the comfort of their first class coaches.

The city of Florence welcomes your comments: have you visited Fiorenzaland? Do you miss the buildings in Florence?

Florence, Oct 26, 2009

The city of Florence and council for the Church of San Lorenzo announced today the ambitious project to finish the facade of the Basilica of San Lorenzo, left incomplete by Brunelleschi in the 15th century. The project, due to start as soon as funds are available, should be done by 2059, in time for the celebrations of Firenze2059 (already the talk of the internet on twitter #Fi2059 and on the website www.Firenze2059.com).

The artist chosen for the honour of completing the facade, after a public contest (“concorso”) evaluated by a committee of 150 citizens and 25 guild-registered artists, is Pablo Echaurren. Dr. Echaurren, astrophysicist as well as maiolica artist from Guadalajara Mexico, has spent the past 20 years in Florence and will be awarded honourary citizenship upon completion of his work. The maiolica tiles that represent massive graffiti-like animals are inspired by 16th-century grotesques, but also by early 21st-century street art.

The decision comes after over two years of deliberations. Citizens of Florence will recall that in 2007, an image of Michelangelo’s plans for the facade, drafted in 1516-19, was projected on San Lorenzo. At the time, there was much discussion because the design was in fact not very close to that proposed by Michelangelo, and there was doubt that modern artisans could reproduce the feeling of a Renaissance building. For this reason, a contemporary solution has been favoured.

Dr. Echaurren has developed a brand new technology for the creation of the 2-meter square tiles that will be attached to the facade with a system of metal brackets. The Medici villa at Cafaggiolo, at which there was once a ceramics factory, has been leased to him so that he may use its ancient ovens to create the facade tiles. This is a nice way to link two Medici commissions - the Church and the Villa - with the new commission by the City of Florence.

We asked Annamaria Gori-Cofani della Riva, curator of the International Museum of Tuscan ceramics at Montelupo, for an explanation of the new technique to be used. The brightly coloured, painted tiles will undergo three phases of firing. The first, for the unpainted tiles, will be at the temperature used for commercial porcelain, 1300 to 1400°C. The tiles will then be glazed and re-fired; finally, a third cooking at lower temperature with oxidization agents such as toenails and bones will help create a metallic sheen on certain detail areas. This technique was used during the Renaissance in Gubbio, but this will be the first time that it will be reproduced in Tuscany.

As we have learned from years of restoring the Duomo, easy maintenance should always be a factor when choosing buildings. Cleaning the new facade will be very easy, much easier than the current stone version, because ceramics are highly resistant. The artist pointed out that common bathroom liquid like “Mr. Clean” or kitchen soap like “Palmolive” will do the trick with a sponge or squeegee.

The new facade will come at the cost of 17.4 million euros, but the City is adamant to explain that this will not come from taxpayer funds. Rather, the money will be raised with the sale of a portion of Piazza Signoria for the creation of private, luxury apartment buildings. These buildings will not obstruct view of the Palazzo Vecchio as they will be made entirely of transparent glass.

Un team di architetti, ricercatori, chimici molecolari e studiosi ambientali ha annunciato oggi, 26.11.2009, il progetto atteso dall’intera comunità europea riguardante il futuro della città di Firenze.

Nello specifico è stato rilasciato il rapporto Alimentazione via Etere documento con le specifiche inerenti all’alimentazione della popolazione cittadina. Il quadro consegnatoci è quello del centro storico di Firenze trasformato in orto urbano. Le coltivazioni si snoderanno tra monumenti e stalle di design. Grande attenzione ai prodotti locali ed alla tutela del patrimonio eno-gastronomico Toscano.

La divisione del pool che si è occupata della biologia del sistema uomo ha rilasciato uno specifico allegato sull’assorbimento degli alimenti. Il sistema digestivo e l’apparato gastro esofageo subiranno mutamenti tali da venire bypassati dall’organismo a favore dell’epidermide.

Un commento a caldo dal moderatore della relazione presentata:

“Il fiorentino del futuro attraversando l’orto di Piazza Santa Croce assorbirà attraverso la sua pelle le sostanze necessarie alla sua sopravvivenza che saranno presenti nell’aria. Il cavolo nero rilascerà le sue proprietà via etere e basterà camminare accanto ad una Chianina per sentire il sapore della Fiorentina.”

Honeymooners! Golden Anniversary celebrants! Reserve your romantic boat trip along the Arno now (spaces limited, 2 people per boat please).

The city of Florence is pleased to announce that the Arno river is finally navigatable by boat and also open for swimming after complete dredging of the original river and replacement of its water with that from the Swiss mountains. Childrens’ swim lessons will be organized next “summer”; during what used to be called the “winter season”, a wetsuit is nonetheless advised, as water is still colder than air. Swimmers and boaters may enjoy observing the four-legged, winged, as well as gilled natural life that is to be found in and on the banks of the Arno.

After a brief test of Venice’s gondola’s on the Arno in the late 20^th century, Florence has spent many years developing its own characteristic boat style. The sea-shell boats are inspired by Botticelli’s Birth of Venus and are entirely gold-plated. The fibreglass models of Venus serve to balance out the weight of the boatman who stands at the back. The boats run on an underwater track, so visitors need not worry about accidents.

Florence: October 1, 2057

The Ministry for Equal Opportunity of Cultures has decreed that Michelangelo’s David must be updated in order to comply with international standards of intercultural expression set earlier this year in Brussels.

An initial idea to display five differently coloured Davids outside Palazzo Vecchio, as per the project displayed here, has in fact been discarded in favour of a more economic and politically correct solution after crowds protested in Piazza Duomo last Wednesday.

As readers will well know, the original David has long been hidden from view in the storage areas of Pitti Palace; the decision was taken in 2030 when the presidents of Japan, USA, and India agreed that everyone in the world had seen it at least once. The storage solution removes the precious Carrara marble from exposure to the C02 emissions of tourists which were slowly corroding it while it was on display at the Accademia Museum.

The 19^th-century copy on display in Piazza della Signoria is still there and faring rather well. To update the piece for compliance, the Ministry is sponsoring a “sound and lights” show. A range of colours – not just the stereotypical ones indicated in the original draft plan – will be projected on to the David. Says Minister Gregorio Bonghi: “The proposed David Project serves to reinforce the concept of male ideal wished for by the artist without offending the sensibilities of today’s mixed culture, which no longer distinguishes between races, and is no longer used to seeing such a brutal examplar of male Caucasian “perfection” displayed in public.”

Florence: July 2058

Appreciation for the Ponte Vecchio enjoyed a 750% increase in 2007 due to the film “Ho Voglia di Te,” based on a book by Federico Moccia, in which lovers placed lockets on a lamp-pole of Rome’s Ponte Milvio; the tradition quickly spread to Florence. The added weight of 80,000 lockets attached to the fence around the statue of Benvenuto Cellini on Florence’s Old Bridge has caused city administrators to reconsider the function and weight-bearing abilities of the pedestrian bridge. Despite threats of hefty fines, the lockets continue to be added daily and municipal police cannot keep up with their removal, causing the bridge to sink with their weight.

The medieval bridge in Florence is the only one to still have buildings along it; others like it were destroyed in WWII. Architects have decided to reinforce the pillars that support it (sunk into the marshy ground under the Arno) and increase the bridge by three more storeys. The new levels will be painted sunset colours (yellow, orange, pink), recalling all day long the wonderful sunsets that can be photographed in the evening. The ground floor level will continue to house jewelry artists, while the second level will be dedicated to internet companies and locksmiths. The third level will have a mini-train on it that goes back and forth, stopping at key points for tourists to take photos. Proposals for the top level are being entertained; they include a rotating fast food court or a movie theatre.

What would you put on the top level of the ponte vecchio? Feel free to write your proposal here; it will be taken into consideration.